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When writer-for-hire Jaine Austen signs on to script vows for the ultimate Bridezilla, "I do's" soon become "I wish I hadn't's"--And curtains for the bride spell a veil of woes for Jaine.
Jaine's accepted her share of lame gigs to pay the bills, but rewriting Shakespeare's got to be an all-time low. The fiasco begins with a call from Jaine's high-school nemesis, uber rich uber witch Patti Devane. It seems Patti will soon be sashaying down the aisle...
3) Secret Santa
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Christmas is the time for miracles, mayhem, and holiday romance in these wonderful stories from four of today's most beloved authors. . .
"Mister Christmas" by Fern Michaels
A week before Christmas, attorney Claire O'Brien is summoned to Ireland to change her wealthy client's will--only to encounter resistance from his handsome nephew. Will Claire be forced to spend the holidays up close and personal with her irresistible Irish nemesis?
"The Yellow...
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Love is in the air as freelance writer Jaine Austen begins a new job at the Dates of Joy matchmaking service. . .
When Jaine lands a job writing web copy and brochures for matchmaker Joy Amoroso, she's excited for a chance to help the lovelorn--until she realizes Joy is a ruthless taskmaster who screams at her employees for the smallest infractions, pads her website with pictures of professional models posing as clients, and offers up convincing but...
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For freelance writer Jaine Austen, working behind the scenes at a teen beauty pageant has shown her that sometimes beauty is in the eye of the murderer…
Teen contestant Taylor Van Sant has a talent for singing, but she can't write a song. So her über-pushy stage mom Heather has hired Jaine to pen lyrics the judges will love. Unfortunately, the hotel hosting Miss Teen Queen America is a dump, the cattiness is out of control, and Candace--the perfectly-coiffed,...
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The future is looking bright for freelance writer Jaine Austen. She's signed up for a new job, she's looking forward to a tropical vacation, and her cat Prozac is slated to star in a major commercial. But when the claws come out behind the scenes, Jaine worries that murder might be the only thing to meow about...
A writer's life is far from glamorous. Still, Jaine's new gig to write an ad campaign for Toiletmasters' new line of self-flushing toilets...
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Jaine's life has been a royal pain since she started penning dialogue for Some Day My Prince Will Come - a cheesy dating show that features bachelorettes competing for the heart of Spencer Dalworth VII, a very distant heir to the British throne. As if fending off golf ball-sized bugs on a sweltering island wasn't tough enough, Jaine must test her patience against an irritable production crew and fierce contestants who will do anything to get their...
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Freelance writer Jaine Austen is feeling festive about spending Christmas house-sitting at a posh Bel Air mansion, accompanied by her friend Lance and her cat, Prozac. But when a grumpy neighbor gets himself iced, she'll have to find the culprit or she may spend the New Year in jail . . .
Scotty Parker is a former child star who once played Tiny Tim, but now he's grown up into the role of neighborhood Scrooge. He cuts the wires on his neighbors'...
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"Daisy Kincaid is in her sixties and heiress to a fortune. Now she wants to make a name for herself as a romance author ... with a little help from Jaine, that is. As Jaine labors away on love scenes, she gets to know the wealthy woman's gentleman friend, her household staff, and her social circle--every one of whom is horrified when Daisy falls under the spell of a much younger stud named Tommy, a rude, crude lothario who's made himself a fixture...
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Freelance writer Jaine Austen has never been able to resist the siren call of an Eskimo Pie, just like she can't resist renewing her romance with Andrew, an old crush. With her bank account hitting new lows, she's also just agreed to write jokes for Dorcas, a stand-up comic who throws her pantyhose into the audience as a punch line.
Not only is Dorcas's act a bomb, she is heckled by Vic, a gorgeous fellow comic. Naturally, when Vic is murdered with...
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When Jaine Austen's beloved cat Prozac unwittingly scares to death a parakeet belonging to the neighborhood's resident curmudgeon, Jaine finds herself knee-deep in toil and trouble. The cantankerous Hollywood has-been once played Cryptessa Muldoon, television's fourth most famous monster mom. Now she spends her days making enemies with everyone on the block. So when the ornery D-lister is murdered with her own Do Not Trespass sign on Halloween night,...
12) Killer Blonde
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A gal with a serious Ben & Jerry's habit can't afford to be too picky about employment opportunities. So when Beverly Hills socialite SueEllen Kingsley offers freelance writer Jaine Austen megabucks to ghostwrite a book of hostess tips, it's time to sharpen the #2s.
But everything short circuits when Jaine finds SueEllen floating face down in her tub, fried by her own blow dryer. The primary suspect: Heidi, SueEllen's stepdaughter, whose account...
13) Killer Cruise
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Wordsmith Jaine Austen's ship has finally come in. Her new teaching gig on a fancy cruise line nabs her a free vacation - and access to a twenty-four-hour buffet! But sooner than you can say "bon voyage," Jaine's all-expenses-paid trip to the Mexican Riviera seems destined to be a wreck...
Things are already off to a rocky start when Jaine discovers a stowaway amidst her luggage - her persnickety cat Prozac. Jaine's sinking sensation grows stronger...
14) Last Writes
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Jaine still hasn't found a good man - or a way to keep all those sugary snacks from going straight to her hips. But - with a little help from her best friend Kandi - she's finally landed a gig as a sitcom writer! True, Muffy 'n Me (aka "Bewitched with Tits") isn't going to win any Emmys. And her office at Miracle Studios needs a little sprucing up, and a few dozen rat traps. But it sure beats writing boring brochures and bad resumes, so Jaine's not...
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"Uber-stylist Bebe Braddock plans to juice up her Instagram feed, and thinks Jaine would make a perfect "Before & After" model. At Lance's insistence Jaine is ushered into Bebe's sprawling Brentwood spread to await her transformation. Yet, while the surroundings are glamorous, the atmosphere is toxic as Bebe bullies her team of assistants, and even her husband, into obeying her every whim. Having earned the wrath of everyone in her orbit, few are...
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When freelance writer Jaine Austen is surprised with an über-luxe spa getaway, she and her feline pal Prozac are eager to hit the road and bask in a week of pampering and pedicures. But what she gets is a California fat farm in disguise, complete with celery-juice cocktails, humiliating weigh-ins, and a zero-tolerance position on carbs.
Among her bulge-battling companions is Mallory Francis, a B-list movie star with a knack for making frenemies....
17) The PMS Murder
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On the frontlines of the battle of the bulge, otherwise known as trying on bathing suits in the communal dressing room at Loehmann's, freelance writer Jaine Austen makes a new friend - a wannabe actress named Pam - and gets a new job: sprucing up Pam's bare-bones resume. Their feeling of connection is mutual, so Pam invites Jaine to join The PMS Club - a women's support group that meets once a week over guacamole and margaritas.
But joining the club...
18) Shoes to Die For
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If clothes make the man, then what do Jaine Austen's elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? A fashion nightmare, according to her neighbor, Lance. She doesn't expect Lance-who works in the designer shoe department at Nieman Marcus-to understand... which is how she ends up visiting his favorite boutique, Passions. While the couture is definitely not for Jaine, the staff's gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts complaining about her coworker...
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Smarmy personals ads. Daring declarations of love. Freelance writer Jaine Austen has penned them all. But no one needs her help more than geeky, gawky Howard Murdoch. His request is simple enough: a letter proclaiming his undying love for Stacy Lawrence, a gorgeous aerobics instructor. The fact that he's never actually met the woman gives Jaine pause-yet she soon overcomes her misgivings, and the unlikely Romeo lands a date! But his triumph is short-lived....
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